**I posted this a few days ago, but decided to take it down for a bit until I had a few discussions with family/friends. I forgot about the importance of their prayers and their support in big decisions in life, and this was a big decision/change for Casey and I. Everyone has been so supportive of me, especially Casey!!**
As a stay at home mom there are many good days, but they are often followed by bad days. One can never tell when these bad days will creep in on us, we wake up in a good mood, we’ve had a good night sleep, we’ve had our cup of coffee, but by the time 4 pm comes… we’re texting our hubbies asking them to come home from work ASAP.
Ok, maybe not all moms don’t have days quite like that, but a couple of weeks ago I had a few of them. I had recently been struggling with the rough days, and more than I felt like I should be. When Isaiah would have his random crying spouts it would make so anxious and would impact the rest of my day. Casey would come home from work and I wouldn’t be able to kick the anxiousness even if the crying had already passed. I had a Dr apt that week for a check up, and I decided to talk to him about what I was feeling. He suggested that it could be a little bit of postpartum depression with some anxiety and that I would benefit from taking a little medication to help ease that. He said it would help me to cope better with the daily struggles of having a baby, and to feel more normal. Pregnancy does A LOT to a woman’s hormones and chemicals, and it can take a year or two to regulate. After stopping breast-feeding, I felt like my chemicals were more irregular than when I was breast-feeding, so I was happy to hear there may be something to help me out.
Life has been so crazy for Casey and I the past two years, it’s no WONDER that I am struggling with worrying! We got married, had a few rough patches, we moved, we had a baby, we’re adjusting to having a baby, we want more babies… we want to be with family, but we LOVE Arizona and the family we have here… WHO WOULDN’T HAVE A HARD TIME WITH LIFE!?
In my mind, it has sort of been like the decision to not breast feed anymore. Once I decided that my milk was basically gone and I needed to stop pushing for it, I had to stick with the decision and be ok with it. Not only be ok, but be confident in it so that I didn’t feel like a “bad mom”. (A friend of mine gave me this advice!) So, in taking some medication now, I have to do the same thing in my mind. I know that it’s what I need to do for my family and for me, I know I need to take care of myself so I can be the best wife and mom I’m capable of being. So, I needed to declare that this is what I’m doing and I’m HAPPY with it! I’m proud of myself for taking the step to do something about it rather than just sitting in the slump of the bad days (which were more than the good).
I know that worrying is technically a sin. I know that we are supposed to give our anxieties to the Lord, and he will care for us. I know that we are only supposed to worry about today, but for me, this has always been such a struggle. I also know that the Lord wants me to be a strong mother, and a strong support for my husband. I pray that this is just a temporary season in life, and that things will regulate more when Casey and I are more settled and adjusted to this new life. There will come a day I will be stronger and more emotionally stable, until then I am thankful for my supportive family.
It has been a struggle for me to take medication, even though I have before, because I know that worrying is technically a sin. I know that we are supposed to give our anxieties to the Lord, and he will care for us. I know that we are only supposed to worry about today, but for me, this has always been such a struggle. I pray that this is just a temporary season in life, and that things will regulate more when Casey and I are more settled and adjusted to this new life. There will come a day I will be stronger and more emotionally stable, until then I am thankful for my supportive family.
So maybe this post has been a lot of me rambling off my feelings and my thoughts on my life, but it’s been freeing for me to let this out and release what’s going on in our world. I want to be the best mom that I am capable of being. I want to be the best wife that I am capable of being. I want to feel like I am still Tanya in the midst of being a wife and a mom. I am just so grateful for a husband who loves and supports me through this decision. He has truly been my rock in this., and it has been such a great reminder of the vows we took on our wedding day.